An excerpt from an entertaining conversation between Paul and me.

Let me tell you a bit about Paul before we dive in. He’s very smart and he knows it. Cocky… got 4 A’s in his alevels is going to cambridge university to study medicine. Dresses like whit american trailer trash is a catholic calls me a paki… and does not suffer from white liberal guilt (oh thank god for that) and he has a big great penis (lucky fuck’s got arab blood in him, no wonder…)

Oh… and we love chineese people equally including the japs and the other permanalt squinty eyed folk so don’t call us racist =)

A cosy fireside chat with Paul and Abdul

Paul: black men are hung like ME!
Paul: not the other way around
Abdul : hahha
Abdul : yeah i was going to say that!!
Abdul : your penis is like the universes ultimate
phallic symbol…
Abdul : i bet bacteria on mars write potry about your
amazing penis.
Paul: hehe. you know how to make an ill guy happy
Abdul : your ill?
Abdul : flu?
Paul: i think so
Paul: its misery
Abdul : get a prostitute.
Paul: they get me!
Abdul : yeah because you know only your big giant
cock can satisfy their wide valley between two mountains
type pussy…

Paul: i can’t have sex with virgins. i could kill
them
Abdul : i know… youve killed soo many jack the
ripper has been put to shame… i mean amongst teenage
girls after suicide “getting fucked by Paul” is the second
most common form of death..
Paul: hehe. i read a funny statistic about suicide.
(well i found it funny). girls are twice as likely to
attempt suicide compared to guys. but guys are twice as
likely to succeed
Abdul : lmao
Abdul : does that prove guys are twice as smart…
twice as stupid… or have twice the guts?

Paul: i think its simple. girls belong in the
kitchen. everywhere else they are out done

Abdul : what about nurses…
Abdul : if their hot doesnt that makes patients feel
better…
Abdul : or worse because their hot people hurt
themselves more just to comeback…?
Abdul : hmmm….
Paul: haha. it makes falling off your motarbike
worth it
Paul: guys are better at saving lives than girls.
thats why guys become doctors and girls become nurses

Paul: imagine putting that on your personal
statement. i don’t want the money, i don’t want to help
people. i just wanna check out hot nurses 24/7
Abdul : haha i bet the people who read them wish
people do make them interesting and truthful.
i mean fuck sick people i just want some supply closet
action damnit!!
Abdul : and i want it asap!
Abdul : stat!! even…
Paul: so volunteer. be the young naive volunteer,
among all the hot nurses who are gagging for it
Paul: mind you, it was months before anything
happened in the linen closet
Abdul : i didnt do biology… i cant… damnit… all i will get doing engineering is chinks with
names that sound like someone threw some copper’s ( 1p/2p coins ) down the
stairs… with big glasses and that unbarable stink
Paul: but tight pussies!
Abdul : damn straight nigga !
Abdul : and their small… so you can toss em
round…
and you can pick them up so weaklings like me appear strong
to them Paul: hoh hAbdul, yousa arso stong!
Paul: there. chink accent in msn. first of its
kind!
Abdul : haha speaking of chinks…
hows the new chink neighbour baby of yours?

Paul: best baby in the world. doens’t make a sound
Abdul : girl or boy?
Paul: not sure. think its a girl
Abdul : dude you went to their house to congratulate
them and you didnt bother asking the babys sex…?
Paul: i didn’t even bother asking its name!
Paul: it was in pink. so i assume its a girl
Paul: but the chink seem to like the colour red.
they think its lucky
Paul: so it may be that…
Abdul : prolly…

then again its a chink… and a chink boys penis looks just
like a tiny pussy… so it really doesnt matter if you
dress em in pink or whatever..
Paul: chinks don’t get facial hair!
Paul: MAYBE a mustache, but not like the pakis
where even the girls have beards
Abdul : dude paki girls even have hair on their
frigging chests!!
Abdul : not chests… back i mean..
Paul: uggghhhh
Paul: paki girl back hair….
Abdul : ive seen paki girls at our college with hair
sticking out of their chests..
Abdul : back i mean..
Abdul : damnit why do i keep switching them around
Paul: freudian slip?

Paul: its still legal to shave badgers
Abdul : yeah why is that..?
animal cruelty?
Paul: i don’t know
Paul: i can shave a badger, but i can’t flick off a
paki…
Abdul : is flicking off pakis a hate crime?
Paul: sure it is
Paul: if you do it, its an honour thing
Paul: if i do it, its a hate crime
Paul: i can shave an endagered species, but not the
paki with the great big fuckoff beard?
Abdul : and the neon lights.. and the wanabee nigger
attitude…
Abdul : and the crappy music..
Abdul : and the black sports wear..

Paul: oh the other day something scary happened to
me

Paul: i was walking along oxford road picking up
all the free stuff for student and all the flyers and
everything. And all of a sudden this big paki guy with the
bigass beard and the towel on his head starts walking
towards me.
Paul: He was really glaring at me, and he had a
rucksack. I was really shitting myself… the heathens have
finally found me! so he stalks over to me and i back off a
little. all of a sudden his arm sticks out. My heart misses
i beat. i thought he pulled a ripcord or something
Paul: then i look at his hand. he’s holding a
flyer. I hurriedly get away from him before glancing at the
flyer.
Paul: it said “STOP ISLAMOPHOBIA NOW”

Abdul : hahaha yeah and you know THE the best way to do that is to
scare the shit out of people by dressing like a muslim
jihadist…isnt it..
Paul: i’m not joking. it was a crowded place and
all of a sudden this jihadist starts marching towards me
with a glint of madness in his eyes!
Paul: it reminds me of ‘Mars attacks’ when the
aliens are shooting up all the humans, while saying ‘do not
run away, we are your friends’
Abdul : hahah yeah that movie kicked ass..
Abdul : see thats what they do… “were not
terrorists… you can come close to us… come lets go to a
crowded nightclub together and have some fun oh and remember to bring all your infide..*cough* I mean white friends too we’ll have a nice big party”

and then *BAM* your guts are sprayed across the dance
floor…
Paul: and the parts of your skull still intact
think to themselves ‘but i opposed the war, you’re not
meant to kill me’
Paul: because you see, believing the war is wrong
is going to stop that white hot piece of shrapnell
Abdul : indeed.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 3rd, 2005 at 11:28 pm and is filed under Random randomness, Stories from my life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.